Loving Self First

Relationships are a vital component in how we define ourselves. There are many different types of relationships that we experience throughout life. Most relationships can be categorized into three types, romantic, social, and professional. Romantic relationships are the relationships that we put our all into. We are often searching for that special someone who we believe will complete us. Once they are found we believe our life has just begun.  We actually begin to define time and space based on when we met. Using such phrases as “before you” or “after we got together” as if they were actually dates on a calendar. We spend the majority of our time trying to make sure that our partner is in a good place. Ensuring that our partners feel good about us and we focus a lot of our energy on their happiness. In these relationships we often forget that two people are involved and that we believe the relationship would be an equal partnership. One of us or maybe even both of us have forgotten that our independent happiness is just as important as the happiness of our partner. 

Balance is extremely important in our relationships. We often believe that our friendships should be based on our friends’ relationship status. We now believe that most things we do should be done as a couple. Our single friends are still our friends, we just speak with them or see them less often then we did before we became an “us or we.” Read this very carefully, it’s okay to have your own friends. It’s okay to have that girls’ night. It’s okay to pamper and love yourself. A happier you will also translate into a more fulfilling romantic relationship. If you are happier with yourself, you are able to give more to your partner. Do not be defined by your relationship. You should be defining your relationship.  We should love ourselves inside and outside of our relationship. We need to be confident in knowing that we are bringing our whole selves when we go from “me” to “us” or “we.” 

I have loved and learned a lot in my relationships. The most important lesson that I have learned is that in order for me to be in a happy and emotionally healthy relationship is that I have to love me before anyone else can love me. Loving me means that I have to be honest with the person I see in the mirror.  I have to deal with the ME, I see looking back every day. I know the flaws that no one can see. I know the hurt that I hide behind, using a smile or a laugh, hoping no one else will notice.  Even with knowing all of that, I know, I am worth the effort of being loved. I am so worth it! Love and happiness begins with self.  Loving yourself places you on a true path to not only being able to give love, but it opens you up to receiving the love that you deserve both inside and outside, of a relationship.  Be loved by loving your self, first!

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